(insert clever Stephen King pun here)

Stephen King's Breakfast...

Chances are that, at some stage in your life, you've a made a 'face' with a meal. Whether you were a kid, or you've cooked a meal for a kid and tried to make it look 'fun', or even if you're like me and you have the brain of a six year old, you might have re-arranged the sausages to make a smile, moved the beans to make hair, shifted the tomatoes or eggs to make eyes, or used the bacon slices to make a moustache or mutton chops for Mr Plate Face. I can imagine (perhaps incorrectly) Stephen King going downstairs in the morning to have his breakfast, making a face out of his meal, and then coming up with a terrifying story based on it. Maybe it would be called 'Mr. Plate Face' and would be about a monster that turns children's faces into plates if they don't eat up their dinner, I don't know. Anyway, that rather odd trail of food faces and Stephen King's knack for making normal things uncanny and supernatural brought me to this cartoon. An evil cloud of frying pan smoke with a breakfast face? Heck, it's no less improbable than a giant spider clown...

'Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack got a tumour from a candle stick...'

Science has taught us this week that if zombies were real, you would likely be killed by them. And now we've found out that if the zombies didn't get you, then candles would. That's right. Candles. What next, 'Glade Plug-ins cause diabetes'? According to research at the clearly underlit University of South Carolina our humble waxy friend has become the newest member of the League of Extraordinary Cancer Causers (along with just about anything you like and a few of the things you don't). Which explains why everyone died so young in the age before lightbulbs. Well, that and all the horse joyriders. It's also a sign that I should probably give up my ten a day candle habit (I've been meaning to quit for years, honest). Because suddenly aromatherapists have become fragrant deathmongers, birthday cakes are ticking timebombs, romantic dinners are death traps - that may as well be a stick of dynamite in the top of that wine bottle! Lighting a candle in church? What, do you want to meet God so soon? Put down that match! These are the new cancer sticks people, and it's time we took our lawsuit to Big Candle, because our children's lives are at stake! There are youngsters out there lighting up and enjoying the mellow yellow flames that these death-cylinders produce as a side-effect of their lethal cancer rays! Candles - the Flickering Killer!!!

Except no, they're not.

Patently, any 'merit' this research has is immediately rendered moot because it's fuelled by scaremongering of the highest order. And in an age where newspapers seem to scream that apparently 'everything can give you cancer!', our attitude as a society has become so nonchalant to threats that adding another thing to the list really doesn't matter. Besides, the risk of getting cancer from a candle is so galactically low that it's still debateable. I mean, this was one piece of research done by one university - you need many more independent studies and a whole lot of data sampling to even start to determine whether candles might be a threat to health. But what really pisses me off is that once again Science is seen by the general public to be wasting time and funds on subjects and areas that are of no concern or help to society. It's not really the Scientific community's fault - I mean, yes, zombie and candle research are a waste of time, but it is only a small part of a much bigger endeavour. The problem lies with the Media cherrypicking these stories for want of a cheap public health scare and to sell more papers to an already worried public. For instance, did you know that this week scientists in Maryland came one step closer to generating synthetic life? Or that a new flood-resistant rice plant that could feed millions has been developed? Or that strains of life-generating amino acids have been found on a comet out in deep space? That's all real, impressive, boundary-breaking science and if you haven't heard about it it's not your fault, they're just not stories that a newspaper can practically apply to terrify you and your kids.
Candles aren't going to give you cancer, but if they did then I'm just glad there are proper scientists out there working on cures. So, South Carolina researchers, get the wax out of your ears, give your matches back to mummy, and go help them.

"That's no moon...it's Rob's Random 5!"

1. Parker: In the last Random 5 I mentioned Darwyn Cooke (who's my favourite comic-book artist/storyteller and who I really can't praise enough) and his graphic adaptation of the first book in Richard Stark's 'Parker' series. Well, I was delighted to see today that the first print run has sold out and the publisher IDW is running a second print. This comes after Cooke's adaptation was rightfully praised by everyone reviewing it - from the New York Times to Entertainment Weekly. It's astonishingly good and I can't wait for the next three he's adapting over the coming few years. Even if you're not a fan of comic books or graphic novels I'd urge you to buy/read it because frankly it's the best piece of fiction published this year, and I don't say that with hyperbole.

2. Twitter: I joined Twitter last week and I have to admit I'm not really getting it. Maybe it's because I'm still getting used to the whole thing or because I find myself with nothing to Tweet about, but I just don't find it very interesting. It's me, I know. I don't lead a terrifically interesting life and when I do have something I want to say the chances are that 140 characters isn't quite enough room for my insane and pointless ramblings. I use Facebook for my craziness. And I find that a lot of the people I want to hear from aren't actually on Twitter or don't Tweet very often (Darwyn Cooke, where are you? Jasper Fforde, Tweet more often!). To be honest, if it weren't for Stephen Colbert's hilarious Tweets, and Wil Wheaton's geek-centric updates I might have given the whole thing up several days back. For me Twitter is still very much on a probationary period. Impress me Twitter!

3. Science: Did Cancer get cured without my knowledge? Or did someone invent anti-gravity while I wasn't looking? No? Well then get back to f**king work Science and start coming up with my anti-Cancer jab and my hover-bed, because right now some of your research is a little, shall we say, 'Pub-talk based'. This week there was a widely-published report from a Canadian University about the possible effects of an outbreak (or should that be 'ootbreak'?) of zombies. Apparently if zombies were real we'd all be screwed. However, as they are not real, I find myself wondering what the point of the whole thing was and wondering if I should have become a PhD scientist so I could study, oh I don't know, the mating rituals of dragons, or the effect of Wi-Fi on unicorns. Please, if you are a scientist doing reasearch on a stupid/pointless subject then put down your test tubes and titration sets and go help out the scientists working on worthwhile endeavours. That way we can all have our cancer-curing hover-bots when we're living on the Moon.

4. Shooting Stars: I am extremely excited to see that Shooting Stars is returning to TV. In honour of this good news, let's summon down the Dove from Above

5. Trunk-nology: This article on io9 caught my eye, partly because it's the Best Article Title Ever, and also it's a story that will warm your heart. Awww... Also, it features cool technology. Lazy/pointless scientists mentioned in '3', this is what you should be doing!

Rob Noah's Best #2

Noah learns about low-cost competitors...

Rob Noah's Best

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream cartoons...

The all Ice-Cream production of 'The Wizard of Oz'...

You may have seen this before as it was included in the 'Scribble Section' of the first volume of 'Too Close For Comfort'. However it was only a pen and pencil drawing and a rather scruffy one at that. I found it languishing in the deep recesses of my cartoon folder and decided to give it a spruce up along with all the others. I know you're not wondering, but the flavours of the participants are (left to right): Neopolitan, Raspberry, Blue*, Orange, and Pistachio.

*Incidentally, does anyone remember those freezer pops that tasted of 'blue'? I don't think you can get them these days, what with parents and companies wanting to feed children 'all natural' ingredients and colourants. Honestly, I was raised on a diet that included manufactured colours and flavours and E-numbers, and look at me - ...on second thoughts, best let the kids stick to natural ingredients...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the 8th Wonder of the World... KONG!"

"So, do I get a second date...?"

Isn't Peter Jackson's King Kong very long?

Too long, in fact. There's a lot of unnecessary boat action. I much prefer the original, mostly because I love old films, and the King Kong in that one is very cute. You could imagine him and Fay Wray settling down in a suburban neighbourhood and having lots of little Konglets. That's the Kong in this cartoon. It's also why it's all in black and white, to reflect the original movie. You won't find any boats or CGI in this picture, just biplanes. Lots of cool biplanes.

I like to think that the finale of King Kong is just a first date gone horribly wrong, and that's part of the reason why we feel so sorry for the big ol' monkey. Well, that and he is awfully cute.