"It's a trap!" No, it's just the return of 'Rob's Random 5'!

That's right Darth Vader! After a long absence it's the return of the blog post that force-chokes the life out of common sense, but promises no disintegration. This week we've emerged from Hyperspace early for the following: Mantras! Proud parents! Proud presents! Logos! Geordies! And pictures!

1) The words I live by:

You're a wise man Mr. Wells...

2) Photo-no-no: (I warn you in advance, the vitriol flies in this rant)
Is there anything as annoying as a proud new parent? Well, alright, maybe, but as I get older people around me are starting to do 'grown-up responsible things' like getting mortgages and starting families, and that's fine, but oh-my-goodness if you ever have a child and try to show me more than one photo of your brand new pride and joy then I will likely effect violence upon you. Oh great, you and your wife/husband did what billions of others throughout the course of time have done and made a mewling little poop factory – hoovering up food and attention and turning it into vile nappy mess that you'll tell anecdotes about at the next dinner party. So? It's not like it's the first one ever or it can shit gold or shoot lasers from its eyes. There's nothing worse than having to look at shot after shot after shot of some person's freshly-birthed Mini-Me as they give running commentary on each picture, usually with diabetically-sweet 'awws' and 'ohs' that make them seem like they've forgotten what their child looks like after two seconds, only to be reminded by the next identical photo. And even if their baby looks like the end result of a drunken night between Quasimodo and a badly weathered Notre Dame gargoyle you have to – have to – say how bonny it looks, not just once, but shot after shot after arrrrrrgh! Why do you have to carry more than one picture around with you?! Isn't one good enough? The whole tedious process is a form of highly-refined brain torture. I imagine that it could be used to extract information...

Sorry, rant over. Of course, I'm not a father, so I can't fully grasp the obvious natural pride that new parents have. But let me make this promise: when the day comes that I am a proud parent I will not bore my friends with endless snaps of Robert Augustus Plainview Smedley Jnr. There will be only one. And he'll most likely be dressed as a Jedi.

3) Logo-a-go-go:
If you head over to C. A. Marshall's blog, you'll not only find a wealth of information about the World o' Publishing, but also a rather handsome blog logo.

Nice, isn't it? It speaks literary and fun. I'm happy with it and glad Cassie is, not least because it took a lot of coffee and paper to come up with something that I thought was just right. What can I say, I'm a perfectionist. It features Jane Austen, Mr. Darcy, a sheep and Mollie the dog, all enjoying a good book. And here's a little fact for you: the writing on all the paper is mostly unreadable - and that's on purpose - but if you look closely here and there you can pick out the odd word, including the opening line of 'Pride & Prejudice' and also the phrase 'drawn by Robert'. Crafty! And Chris, for whom I also designed a logo, doesn't know this, but if you play his logo backwards it syncs up perfectly with 'The Wizard of Oz'...

Anyway, I'm always willing and happy to design free logos for people. It keeps my drawing hand and eye in, keeps the creative juices from freezing, and above all it's fun. Drop me a line if you fancy one.

4) Goggles!:
The heat given off by the number of candles on my birthday cake (I feel so ooooold!) was so ferocious I had to have eye protection to blow them out...

5) Wor Bat-villain...:
Why aren't there more Geordies in TV and Film and Books? It's a crime is what it is (I say that as a Northerner, even though I sound like I was born and lived in a hot air balloon for my whole life), and so I was delighted to see the World's First Geordie Super-Villain in the latest issue of Grant Morrison's 'Batman and Robin'. That's right – a villain from tha Toon, complete with broad accent (I love that he actually says 'Divvent ye knaa') and colloquialisms that will no doubt confound the some of the American readership and maybe even a few Brits. You can see some of him, named Old King Coal, here. It's fantastic, sinister, and at the same time also a touch hilarious. But you'd expect nothing less from the Glaswegian comics maestro Morrison. To have a Broon Ale swigging villain battling Batman may just be my comics highlight of the year... well, until the next 'Parker' comes out in October.

Well, that's all for this week. Until next time, take care. Now, as it's Pancake Day, go an enjoy some circular cooked batter. I know I will.