Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. You deserve it.

Thanks to a lot of snow it's a very white Christmas here at Smedley Towers, but even if there isn't so much as a flake of snow where you are it doesn't matter. What matters is that you and your loved ones have a very merry Christmas. I hope you do. You deserve it. You've managed to get through this year after all, enduring Swine Flu, global recession, news filled with doom and gloom, and a whole load of other crap that 2009 has thrown at us. So enjoy yourself. I know you will. And I know I will too. I've got my Christmas socks on and a glass of cheer in my hand, ready for Santa to come and hopefully bring some nice presents.
So from me, whoever you are and whatever you're doing and wherever you're doing it, have a really fantastic Christmas. And here's a little seasonal tune just for you.

Lord Smedley's Annual Christmas Message...

Butler, pass the mince pies and port! Direct from the Christmas room at Smedley Towers, it's Lord Smedley's Annual Christmas Message!

Seriously though, have a very Merry Christmas and a brilliant New Year. And if you do drink, make sure it's something Lord Smedley would approve of!

Day 7: Jingle Bells?

Oh dear. Not a great time for toy rodents. First the safety of the Go Go Hamster is called into question for apparently containing dangerous amounts of antimony, and now it seems a toy mouse has been recalled after complaints that it was singing a word not usually found in the tune 'Jingle Bells'. What is that word? Well you can listen to the tune on here on the BBC News site.
Is it actually saying that? I'm not sure. I think it's just a really crappy recording, but it certainly does sound dodgy...

Day 5: Manger Stranger

An inspired clip from the Christmas episode of Mr. Bean...

Day 2: When up on the roof there arose such a clatter...

Day 1: The Ghost of Christmas Past...

It's the first of December and officially the run-up to Christmas, which means the launch of the 'Too Close For Comfort' Advent Calendar Blog! Each and every day from now until the 25th there'll be a festive post to get you in the mood for mistletoe and mince pies. There'll be Christmassy Cartoons, a seasonal 'Rob's Random 5', jokes, recipes, music and mullings, plus a sack full of other great stuff.

To start off, here's a Christmas message that was made and posted last year. A lot of people liked it so I thought I'd put it up again. Closer to the big day there'll be a new Christmas message that I'm hoping will have more than just me in it (I think I'll have to make it an annual thing, like the Queen's Speech. Except not dull). So pour yourself a mug of cocoa, sit by the freshly-decorated tree, and enjoy watching me in a silly hat...

Don't forget to return tomorrow for Day 2's treat!

Merry List-mas...

There are some traditions that you can't and shouldn't avoid at Christmas because it just wouldn't be Christmas without them. So here's my list of things you should do before the big day to make it that extra bit Christmassy. If you're not feeling particularly festive yet and want to be then this list might also help. And if you can think of anything else to add then leave a comment!


-Listen to Slade's 'Merry Christmas' at least twice (let Noddy's dulcet tones pound into your skull!)
-Read a Christmas ghost story (Dickens is good -plenty to choose from there, the best being A Christmas Carol and The Signal-Man)
-Sing at least one classic/church Christmas Carol with gusto
-Send a Christmas card to someone you haven't seen/spoken to in years
-Wear tinsel as a scarf (only for a few minutes otherwise your neck gets itchy)
-Decorate a Christmas tree
-Watch at least one festive comedy special from the 70s (Morecambe and Wise, Porridge, Dad's Army etc)
-Watch at least one crappy Christmas movie (Santa Claus: The Movie, starring Dudley Moore is the perfect example of this. Also see any festive afternoon movie on Channel 5)
-Watch at least one good Christmas movie (A Muppet Christmas Carol is the perfect example of this - I almost made this a bullet point on its own)
-Watch Raymond Brigg's 'The Snowman' (THE MOST BRILLIANT PIECE OF ANIMATION EVER)
-Have a sherry with an elderly relative
-Wrap some presents (even if you're not giving them - do it for other people)
-Pull a cracker (interpret this as you might)
-Wear some Christmas socks
-Do something nice for someone unexpectedly/Give to charity
-Go see a choir singing Christmas carols
-Eat one more mince pie that you think you should
-Read through the Christmas TV Guide and highlight all the shows/movies you want to watch
-Sit under the Christmas tree and shake the gifts and try to guess what they are (even if they're not yours)
-Eat, drink and be merry with your friends/family
-Make up your own Christmas joke (here's mine: What's the deadliest plant at Christmas? Missile-toe!)
-Wear a stupid Christmas hat

Mystery Christmas Theatre 3000

A free gift is today's advent treat - a cut out and keep 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000-O-Scope', based on the fantastic American TV series (if you havent heard of it then YouTube it - and seriously, where have you been???). Simply click on the above drawing to enlarge it, then copy and print it off, and cut out the silhouette. After that you can affix the silhouette to your TV screen, making every programme you watch into a hilarious copy of Mystery Science Theatre 3000! (jokes not included). Alternatively, hold it up in your field of vision as you walk around, allowing you to imagine your life as a Mystery Science show! Its the perfect gift to give a friend or loved one, should you have forgotten to get them a better gift...

Ho Ho No...

Two posts today because I've been so behind on the Advent fun.

One of the 'treats' that comes on Christmas Day is pulling a cracker, finding a crappy paper hat, a crappier toy, and a joke so bad that it nearly puts you off your turkey. So in the spirit of it all, here are a few of my favourite awful cracker jokes. Highlight under the question to see the punchline and prepare to groan...

'What is the definition of minimum?'
A really small mother

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he's always stuffed

What's the best thing to put in a Christmas cake?
Your teeth!

What do Vampires have on their Christmas dinner?
Grave-y

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan

M-advent...

Right, sorry for a lack of posts lately - there was graduation and some other drama and it put me a bit behind. Anyway, here's today's festive treat:

I put up a cartoon but - oh no! - the Grinch has come along and made it all fuzzy and weird. Can you tell what's going on in the cartoon?

(Clue: Its one thats been put up a loooong time ago on the blog)

Day 1: Rudolph The Red-Faced Reindeer

Too Close for Christmas...

Right, November 30th, which means that tomorrow means I get to pull open that tantalizing door number 1 on the Cadbury's variety miniatures advent calendar that's been sat by my desk for a week. (I do hope I don't get a whole nut chocolate).
It also means that the Too Close For Comfort Blog will be inundated with Christmassy stuff in the festive period - Xmas themed pictures, a few print-offable goodies, and stuff to make those 24 days leading up to Jesus' Birthday a little bit more festive. There'll even be a temporary change of decoration to force the festivities that little bit more on you. Think of it as a web-based advent calendar...excpet with pictures instead of chocolate...come to think of it you'd probably be best off buying an advent calendar...or at least eat a piece of chocolate while you're looking at the pictures...
Anyway, the first treat o' the season will be up tomorrow.