Seek...Locate...Relax!

Peace and quiet, and Silence

And now, for no reason, a Cyberman on the beach...

Now pay attention, 007...

Ohjeet

The last in what has accidentally become a triumvirate of fake instructions for Bond gadgets is 007's most awesome (and awesomely 90s) phone. 

Seen in 1997's 'Tomorrow Never Dies', Bond's phone was a prototype Ericsson (Ericsson would later create a much less gadget-packed model similar to it). In a touchscreen world it now looks incredibly dated, so I gave it some incredibly dated instructions. Remember when you bought a new phone in the 90s/early 00's and there'd be a tightly-folded canvas of paper featuring the operating guide jammed in the box with it? You'd then have to unfold it and wrestle with it until you found the section with your language on.

You don't get that with phones anymore. What a shame. Don't try and wrestle with the above image. It only comes in Nokia-knock-off Finnish. 

説明書 [UPDATED]

The Swedish Golden Gun instructions went down well, so I had a stab at another set of foreign retro instructions for technology from the Bond universe. This time: 007's famous Omega Seamaster watch, rendered to look like the instructions of a Japanese toy (I took the design layout from an 80s Transformers box - God the back of Transformer packets were exciting back when I was a kid). 

The watch is an amalgamation of Brosnan's watches from Goldeneye (laser watch), Tomorrow Never Dies (Chinese Secret Service detonator watch), and The World is Not Enough (grapple watch). 

Oh, and don't worry about the Japanese writing - as it's run through Google Translate it's probably gibberish. 

Instruktioner [UPDATED]

Statistically, based on views on the blog and Twitter, the poster for 'The Man With the Golden Gun' was the most popular of the Bond pics I did. So feel free to enjoy the full Ikea-ish instructions for the gilded pistol, which have got a bit tatty since '74.

Bond Poster Project: The Result

Bond Poster Project: 'Skyfall'

'This is the end. Hold your breath and count to ten'.

No, wait, keep breathing, don't pass out.

The Bond Poster Project comes to a conclusion with the latest movie, 'Skyfall', and a noir-ish theme in blue (like Craig's tux). Bond protects a beautiful lady (take your pick - it was originally meant to be 'M' but I had trouble drawing the silhouette of lovely Dame Judi) as the shadow of Silva looms threateningly over him. And to add to the pulp theme the lyrics from the theme song have been added for extra, corny, dramatic effect.

So that's it. Done. Until the next film. That's the lovely thing about James Bond: he always returns, for Queen, country, and us the audience.

Thank you for following along. I hope you found at least one rectangle of Bond-y colour that you enjoyed looking at. The Bond Poster Project will return...when 007 decides to.

Tomorrow: All the posters together in one lovely image. And it really is lovely.

Bond Poster Project: 'The Living Daylights'

Lot of negative space used here to depict the famous Stradivarius cello, but also to give focus to the silhouettes of Bond and Kara (in red to depict her Soviet connection at the beginning of the film).

Tomorrow: It's the final day of the Bond Poster Project and there's only one film left, 'Skyfall!'

Bond Poster Project: 'Octopussy'

Clowns, planes disguised as a horse's rear, hot air balloons, crocodile camouflage, Faberge eggs, mad Soviet generals, an ageing Roger Moore... Octopussy is one hot mess of a film. I love it anyway, but when it comes to designing a poster for it, it's tricky to capture all of its elements.
So I plugged for something simple, exotic, and alluring, as well as slightly mad-looking. The hair here is tentacular; because it wouldn't be Octopussy without an octopus.

Tomorrow: 'The Living Daylights'!

Bond Poster Project: 'Moonraker'

This was meant to look like a retro computer readout. However it looks a bit like its come from Ceefax. I don't mind that though. For now.

Tomorrow: 'Octopussy'!

Bond Poster Project: 'Die Another Day'

Originally this was done in red, white, and blue, which by serendipity are the colours of the North Korean flag and the UK flag. The idea was to show how 'Gustav Graves' uses gene therapy to become a red white and blue North Korean to being disguised as a red white and blue Brit, with the twin colours flowing into the DNA helix.

However when finished it didn't look right with the colours. It looked cheap and lightweight. For some reason an orange and blue looks better, giving it more weight and a retro feel that's in keeping with the rest of the posters.

Tomorrow: 'Moonraker'!

Bond Poster Project: 'Licence to Kill'

Bond's lighter, a gift from the soon-to-be shark-ravaged Felix Leiter, is the totem for his revenge in 'Licence to Kill', so here it taking centre stage, sat in a pool of blood that could be either Felix's or Bond's enemies'.
The font is designed to mimic the inscription on the lighter in the film, but the stark capitals are a reminder there's still the no-nonsense business of revenge at hand.

Tomorrow: 'Die Another Day'!

Bond Poster Project: 'You Only Live Twice'

Trying to capture a flavour of Japanese art here to represent the film's Japanamania, with the colour scheme, the shape of the volcano, and the descending lettering, which is also meant to evoke the ninjas rappelling into the volcano lair at the film's climax. 

Tomorrow: 'Licence to Kill'!

Bond Poster Project: 'Live and Let Die'

Capturing the voodoo threat of the film, Baron Samedi's battered top hat sits in a pool of blood that's taken on a threatening skull shape. Insert an evil supernatural cackle of your choosing here.

Tomorrow: 'You Only Live Twice!'

Bond Poster Project: 'Diamonds are Forever'

This is basically one massive reference to one of the most famous gaffes in cinema history: Bond's '71 Mustang Mach 1 goes into the narrow alley on it's right side wheels, only to come out on its left. Double d'oh seven. So here, although it's on all four wheels, the Mustang perches at a jaunty reminiscent angle on the diamond.

Tomorrow: 'Live and Let Die'!

Bond Poster Project: 'Quantum of Solace'

Given that 'Quantum of Solace' is the only Bond film to be a direct sequel, it made sense that the posters be linked. So QoS features the left eye to Casino's right, except this time, given the plot of the film, the emotional eye is weeping water. Delicious Bolivian water. It also helps that QoS features an enormous eye in the dramatic opera house Tosca sequence.

Tomorrow: 'Diamonds are Forever'!